You've Been Poached

"Yo, Fucking Randy, why you always reporting on dick punches from Team DB? Why can't the Jungle get its turn in the light? I want the light!" - Safari, 01/31/2013

Well, slow me the fuck down. After last night's monstrous point accumulations, Safari has erected (with viagra) to the top of the Redemption rankings, poaching the number one spot. A monstrous night... a monstrous night... can you believe it?

"Yes, I can!"

Always an insightful contribution, Pierre.

Anyways, last night's point accumulations were quite generous to all select-GMs; Safari can thank Rinne for finally showing up with a shutout win over the Kings (17 points), as well as multi-goal nights from Vanek and Kane to push his total point accumulations over 50; Burgs got a three point night out of Crosbone; Sitch received a well-rounded night from his team with 4G, 2A and a win from Lundqvist; and Dick Burns didn't do so bad either with 2G, 4A and a win from Fleury.

That being said, the night belonged to Safari. Or, should I say, the "light" belonged to him?

"Everything the light touches, is ma' BITCH!"

"I'm ecstatic. I'm back on top, just the way you do it in the Jungle," said Safari at his media session last night. "There's nowhere to go but up from here."

"Hold the fuck up," said Burgundy. "I want to run my analytic fingers through the stats to see where the REAL winner is, based on points-per-games played."

The Fucking Randy has obliged to produce the stats:

Safari, 3.45

Burgundy, 3.42

Dick Burns, 3.27

AznSitch, 3.45

"Fuck off," said Burgundy.

You watch yourself Burgundy, or I'm going to molest all your mahogany belongings with the coarsest sandpaper known to man, ruining the polishing and deeming the furniture to be worthless.

"Not a great night to be honest," said a modest Dick Burns. "But, at least Weber finally got an assist."

Wise words, Dick.