Next Question with AznSitch

The Fucking Randy is honored to bring you Next Question, a series piece which will give readers a taste of what each select-GM inside the Redemption is all about; we'll talk hockey, honies (coalitions of hot babes), haterz, and everything in between.

Photo Credit: TreeBone Images

Today's feature is select-GM Abdominal Phenomenal, aka. AznSitch. I sat down with him at his GoodLyfe shortly after his triumphant 220lbs crunch, crushing the previous ThunderZone record of 199lbs. He seemed to be in a better mood to chat after his body received a rush of endorphins. Well, here it is:

[the following interview took place on 01/28/2013, Goodlyfe Body Centre]

Sitch, thanks for being here.

No problem, bro. Always - Got - Time - For - The - 

Sitch, not to be a 'simple carb,' but could you answer my questions without doing dead lifts in between?

- What's that? Oh, sorry bro. (chuckles) You know, can't help myself. Gots'a give them honies what they want, you know, bro? HA? HA? HAZZZZ!

... Hazzzz?

Nah Fucking Randy. Tsssss all good in here, YA!

Right. So Sitch the readers want to know: where did you get the name?

It's pretty simple, dawg. I just gawt it. You know how some people gawt stuff? Well, that me. That me, plain and simple (no carb). I'm just a fitness phenomenon, a "medical marvel", if you will. I come from the East; I'm a fucking Beast. Quite the situation, no? HAZZZZ! I just said situation! Hence the name, AznSitch.

Fascinating stuff. So tell me, how do you like your team?

It's fucking prime, Fucking Randy. I love it.

You do realize you're in fourth, 'dawg'?

Yeah, but the Redemption ain't no damn BPC.

Sorry, BPC is...?

Bench Press Contest. I mean, I used to do some BPCs here and there, and I'm not going to lie; I crushed them Cs. I was so money like you would not believe. But here's da thing; it's over so fast. All BPCs are based on how much weight you can bench in one push; it ain't about longevity, endurance, consistency, and all that other important fitness training that should be in every regimen. I point this out very clearly in my body program, Bitch-It's-Sitch!, which is available online, or through Chapters ---

I have to stop you right there, Sitch. This isn't an outlet for personal product plugs.

Oh.

You were talking about how the Redemption ain't no BPC.

Right. Well see, I believe in being well rounded. I mean, look at my sculpture; I'm a medical marvel. I believe the same to be true for the Redemption. I don't measure the success of my team in the first two weeks of competition. I measure it when it's finished; when all has been sweated out. I may be in fourth, but I'm not far from the top, and with my point-per-game average, I think I'm fine.

I'd have to agree with your last point. So you're not worried?

No doubt, Ray-Ray. No doubt. Just a clear mind, with a head full of creatine.

Please, don't call me Ray-Ray.

Props.

What?

I... nothing, dawg. HAZZZZ!

Alright, alright. So what do you like best about your team?

The ffffform. I think all my guys have got great ffffform when they play; and hellz, Lundqvist is just a beaut. Ain't he just? I mean, I know he ain't pickin' up beast points right now, but he's just so damn handsome that I can't imagine ever letting him go.

Handsome Hank eh? Sitch, are you bisexual?

No, I'm all for the tacos. But there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. However, I will admit that I am biceptual. I am simply perpetually turned on by the biceps.

You don't say... Moving on. Which select-GM have you known the longest?

Oh man, I'd have to check my journal workouts to verify the dates to give you an exact answer, but I think it's Dick Burns. He and I go way back to grades school; I remember first meeting him in Design and Tech class; thought he was kinda odd, quirky, but clever. And he's very good at the question game, the game where you keep a conversation going by simply asking questions until someone can't ask a question anymore.

And he always won?

NO FUCKING WAY! AZNSITCH ALWAYS WINNNNZZZ!

Settle down. Put your shirt back on.

They do look good though, eh? (kisses biceps)

Sure. Whatever. Now, let's talk some trash. Who ya hatin'? And why?

Bro, I gotta admit, there's a lot of hate in the Redemption. Burg's and I go way back; love that man, but his Crosboner is fuckin' making me ill. He's sitting at the top right now too which makes things a bit harder to digest. And Safari, he's just a loose cannon; he ain't afraid to make deals, swing ideas, etc. Very hard to read that African Lion Safari; he can camouflage sometimes. Rumor has it he was tryin' to pry Malkin off from Team DB for D-man Campbell. That's hippo. Always tryin' to hunt a deal out in the midst of the jungle, he is. All in all, the two of them seem to be having fun at the moment; it's like their fantasy points are just raining from the sky.

I see your pain. Any last words then?

Well, just know this, Fucking Randy. The Thunder Comes After The Rain.

Wow. Thank you for your time, Sitch. And may I say, those were some wise words, dick.

WTF who you callin' a dick?! HAZZZZ!