WK6 - Stayin' Classy

Yikes... about a whole week without updating. This output is not worthy of a two-time Pulitzer Prize winner. I am ashamed to have executed such low productivity. I could blame it on my rigorous schedule, which included last week's prestigious visit to NYC for BRA, but I'm not one to blame productivity on things. I'm not one to make excuses for not doing shit.

"If you're referring to my opting out of updating the statistics for last week's reporting, I'm going to punch you in the V.J.," said Burgundy.

Joke's on you, Burgs. I've got no V.J. here; just a sturdy, pair of steel balls. The Fucking Randy may refer and accuse as he wishes; eat shit.

"Do you need a punch in the V.J.? C'mon, you want one."

Once again, here at Redemption Central, I've accumulated the statistics for this week. Here are the charts, courtesy of the Redemption Stats Machine:

PPGP:

Burgundy, 3.48

Safari, 3.22

Sitch, 3.38

Dick Burns, 2.88

Another week at the top for Burgs (5 weeks consecutive). Burg's can thank his Crosbone (26.8pts) and Staal (22.8pts) for this week's efforts, and also his tenders for posting perfect winning records (however, the best goaltender this week was Rask [Safari] with 31pts). Sitch, if he chooses to do so, should pay thanks to Stamkos for clocking a respectable week (20.5pts) and Perry (25.7pts). 

Where is Burgundy cashing in? The major variance lies with the assists; he is crushing the category, and does not appear to be slowing down in the slightest.

"Is it a surprise?" asked Burgs. "I'm an MPAc; I got A's all through schooling, so why not get more A's in this Redemption?"

Academia has no relation to the Redemption, my friend, but the Fucking Randy enjoys the comparison. Speaking of comparison, the intriguing story between Sitch and Burgs continues to develop; rumor has it Burg's has been trying to pawn off several players to get Neal, a deal which Sitch simply won't pull the trigger. It's possible that Sitch simply doesn't want to deal with his number one present nemesis, or that the deal isn't sweet enough. Or it could be that Sitch believes his team is capable of catching up and surpassing Team Burg's by season's end, which is not far-fetched considering their close similarities in PPGP. With a difference of 0.10 PPGP, a lot could happen in the back end of the season, barring injuries. It was reported that Sitch had his team evaluated by medical experts earlier this week to assess the plausibility of catching Team Burgs; the reports were confirmed with this photo, courtesy of Perry Fire Media:

"Ne mo wok," said team doctors. 

Safari still holds onto second, and is quietly picking up points, though at a smaller rate. But don't count this select-GM out; with supreme goaltending and Giroux on the verge of breaking out into mid-season condition, he could make a run in the coming weeks and potentially overtake first overall in the Redemption.

"I smell blood."

As for Dick Burns, the Fucking Randy is unhappy to report that he's been MIA. His team has cooled off since its first week blowout, and it appears that Sir Dick has turned off Fantasy tracker and instead turned his attention to phallussing fresh Newfie.

"So many Newfie's, so little time..."

 "Wouldn't you do the same?" asked Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.