Greeeeeetings again, select-GMs.
Another week has gone by, bringing the Redemption ever closer to the end. Over 50% of the season has been played; are you ready for the final push?
"Dick Burns is always ready to push," said Dick Burns.
A room full of ladies nod in unison. But, Sir Dick, the Fucking Randy must tell you: you are in grave danger. With all other select-GMs running on high octane rampage, it'll be a tall order for you to make a run. Nonetheless, the Fucking Randy loves surprises, and wishes you well on this final push. I can't wait to see you hit the 1,000 point club, or the G-Club, if you will.
"I'm part of a G-club already, but it's not of the Redemption type," said Dick. "It's more of an exclusive club for gents who 'hit the spot', per se. Sorry, but that's all I can say."
Why the fuck does every select-GM think that they are being discrete when talking to me? IT'S NOT FUCKING DISCRETE AT ALL! You boys are implying, but everyone else knows what you're saying. No need for opaque language here; the Fucking Randy wants transparency!
Speaking of being transparent, let's take a look at this week's statistics, courtesy of the Redemption Stats Machine:
Holy shit do you see how close this race is? Burgs, Sitch, and Safari; they're all converging on this chart, like a pack of meat trying to squeeze into gullies on prom night. The points separation is absolutely microscopic.
"Wait, wait wait," puffed Burgundy. "I'm still number one - for 8 weeks now - and that's all that matters."
Indeed, Burgundy is still holding top spot, driving Sitch and Safari mad. I'd like to add that Safari did manage to T-BAG his way back into second earlier this week, before being overtaken again by Sitch on Saturday night (thanks to a shutout by Halak).
"Sitch Work Hard! Sitch Play Hard!" boasted Sitch.
As for PPGP, Sitch still leads, but is only getting - on average - 0.07 PPGP more than Burgs. That could easily be wiped if Burgs has a monster night.
"Bones could do it for me," said Burgs. "By the way, Bones is the short form for Crosbones. PromptApp told me to shorten it.....?"
Thanks for the update, Burgs. Anyways, what happened this week, you might ask?
For starters, Sitch and Burg's teams were dreadful; the points weren't coming in at all. Safari, however, was this week's top bread earner; he was able to amass above average point accumulations, thanks to his pickup of Kadri. It was so plentiful that he actually boosted his total points by 10% this week, whereas Sitch and Burgs could only muster up 7% and 5%, respectively. Dick Burns' performance was respectful; he added 7% as well.
It's shaping up to be a fantastic finish, gentlemen. It may in fact go down to the wire, which is just what a Redemption is all about. I was expecting some fireworks earlier this month with trade season on the horizon, but with three select-GMs in the hunt for the top, I can't see much happening now. If Dick Burns would take a few moments to get onto his fantasy portal and stir up the trade talks we might see something, but otherwise I don't see any trades happening between Sitch, Burgs, and Safari. I doubt any of them would want to fuel the other into victory. The Fucking Randy predicts it'll be all waivers from here.
"You guys wanna talk trade? That's fine. But let me be clear; I'm not giving up anything without future considerations: aka, it'll cost you first-round picks. Bitches, you've been told," said Dick Burns.
Wise trade bait, Dick.
UPDATE: are you fucking kidding me? This is as close as it gets.
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| 03/24/2013 8:54PM EST |
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