Being Boss

Aside from providing the finest reporting for the Redemption, Mr. Fucking Randy also gives back to his community in the highest fashion. The importance of giving back cannot be undervalued, for one who does not acknowledge the need for information sharing and community support will ultimately find themselves in a barrel full of gasoline as it rolls down a hill into a pile of flaming elephant dung.

"My deuces are quite flaming," said Dick Burns.

Right you are, Dick Burns.

Anyway, on my trip to BRA, I was approached by thousands of aspiring reporters, most of which were untalented folk; they'd rival tramps who prowl the Monday noon hour catwalk. But one aspiring reporter approached me with a question which struck me; it was clean cut, to the point, and I got the gist immediately. He simply asked, "Fucking Randy, how did you become so Boss?"

The Boss.

See, I usually get pathetic questions such as, "How can I grow my blog? How did you get started with reporting? Do you have any internships available? Can I get you some coffee?" etc. The Q's are fucking stupid, with no need for A's. They're filler questions and they deserve to be shredded. Therefore, when this young lad asked me how to become a Boss, I was refreshed. This brings me to my point regarding giving back to the community; I will - in this post - list the most important practices in becoming Boss. It will be available to the community, at no charge. As I usually charge billions upon billions of dollars for disclosing this type of information, consider yourself the luckiest son of a bitch for obtaining said information at nil cost.

You should be aware that as I type these important practices, an entire Drum Corps. is in my office, serenading the publication of such prime information. Note that these practices are not ordered; they are all important and should be weighted equally.

[1] Write your craft down. Have you ever fucking read the lyrics to my Grammy-award-winning songs? They are not Shakespeare; they are ideas jotted down quickly and to the point. Most people get bogged up with the empty page as they attempt a new masterpiece and end up exercising the delete key more than the space bar. I'll have you know that I personally write each and every post by pen before having my blonde-babed transposition staff retype it for the site. Why? Because the pen on the pad of paper has no delete key. It only flows ink, which is permanent from the moment you touch the silver tip to white sheet (FYI if you are not penning with pure silver pens, you are missing out and a degenerate). Sure, you can cross out your penmanship,  but deleting is much more difficult than on a computer, and deleting ideas is a terrible idea. Even the worst-phrased lyric (or report, depending on what you pen) is better than an empty page. Grow some balls, and pen your shit!

Don't just think; write.

[2] Carry your voice with consistency. In other words, be a familiar voice. Do you think people go to McDonald's because they're really "Lovin' It"? Hell no. Human beings are boring; we love habit, and we love predictability. Life is unpredictable, and habits are broken; therefore, life for most human being's is a bitch because change is inevitable. So, if you want to take advantage of what human beings want, you might as well be Boss and carry a consistency that people will be familiar with and follow endlessly. When you think McDonald's, you think the color red and the golden arches. You think of burgers that taste the way you remember, and you know what you're going to get. The same can be applied to being Boss; build a voice, speak it consistently, and your followers will appreciate it. I've been known to carry conversations with my singing voice, from one-on-one conversations with my women to ordering poutine at ESD. Do I do it because I want to? No. I do it because I'm building my surroundings. I'm building my Boss.

[3] Never let someone else call the shots. Let me be clear here; I'm not saying you should be a Lochte and become an admirable douche. I'm saying that decisions should always, always, always be decided with your best interests. For example, have you ever partaken in a group conversation about what the plans are for a given evening? Have you wasted time passing each other comments like, "Yeah, I'm cool with whatever," or "You guys decide and let me know."? These types of comments will inevitably lead to wasted time, and in most cases, the night is lost with lame-ass decision making, usually ending in sub par night-life (aka. random adventures to Pinks Nightclub). You may not always know what you want, but you always have an idea. It's like my previous point in [1]; your worst idea is better than no idea at all. Bring something to the table, make a decision, call a shot. Rome was not built on the undecided; it was built because people wanted to take charge and build shit. They wanted to be Boss, so they called shots. Haven't you ever wondered why bars sell shots? It's not because people wanted to drink "a shot of whisky" or anything. It's because bars appreciate those who MADE the decision to drink. Hence, the term shot is in recognition of those who have the balls to call the shots.

Here's to those who call shots.

On top of that, your ability to call shots and make decisions will make you memorable in the sense that things happen when you're around. If you provide input and call shots, SOMETHING will happen. Will that something always be the best thing the world has ever seen? No. Only prestigious gentlemen (like yours truly) can be this consistent. But something will happen from your input, and that something COULD be extraordinary. It could also be a disaster, but fuck at least you tried. Failed attempt builds character; failure to attempt builds cowards. Never forget that.

"My god; wise words, Fucking Randy," said Dick Burns.

Why thank you, Dick Burns. I'll leave it at that for now. Three important practices is enough for the day.

"I personally would appreciate more," said Dick Burns. "But you made the decision to call it at three, so I have to respect your ability to call the shots."

Wise words, Dick.