A New Day

Take a seat, Dick Burns.

Less than 48 hours after Papa Burgundy's passing, Team Burgundy looks as if it's got its mojo running on NOS. Aided by recent free agent pickups by Burgundy (see Markov), his team has surged past Team DB for first overall, albeit he's only marginally ahead. (As I write this report, Burgundy's ahead by a mere 3.10 points)

"I'm going to make Papa so proud," said Burgundy. "I'm going to turn all you sluts into mahogany desks. I'm going to punch you sluts in the ovary."

The Fucking Randy can hardly wait for the increased competitiveness.

"Woah, wait a second," said Dick Burns. "I may not be an MPAc, but I've crunched some numbers as well and it appears that Team DB averages more points-per-games-played than Burgundy. In fact, Team DB still dominates with an average point accumulation of 3.84 points-per-games-played. No one else even comes close."

Well, the Fucking Randy looked into this, and here are the results:

Burgundy (3.67 pts/game)

Dick Burns (3.84 pts/game)

Safari (3.47 pts/game)

AznSitch (3.68 pts/game)

"You ain't seen nothin' yet," said Dick Burns.

"FUCK YOU!" said Burgundy.

"CRUNCH YOU!" said AznSitch, who was released from Redemption General last night.

"Seriously, what the fuck does CRUNCH mean?!" asked Safari.

Wise words, dicks.