the Draft - Crosby Goes #1

Burgundy gets Sid, Dick Burns gets last laugh.

The GMs of Randy's Redemption had the draft tonight, commencing at 7pm EST. Though all four select-GMs were in different locations and time zones, the draft did not disappoint; words were said, dicks were swung, and at the end of it all, players were drafted.

Burgundy, who had the first overall pick, did not disappoint his Crosboner by selecting Sidney Crosby with the first overall selection.

"It was a no brainer," said Burgundy, who rarely receives brain.

You could say the pick was somewhat off the chart, given that the general consensus no. 1 pick, per Yahoo, was given to Steven Stamkos.

"That's fucking bullshit," replied Burgundy in a press conference held shortly after draft ended around 8pm EST. "Draft rankings mean shit all; look at past flops. You got Daigle, Yashin... the list is endless. Crosby should have been the consensus no. 1 pick; he's just got the hockey genes."

Genes, you say, Burgundy? Or jeans?

"You know what's fucking bullshit? Burgundy getting no. 1," said Safari, who this year has donned the moniker Leslie Manneater. "This was rigged for sure; I'm pissed."

Pissed as he may be, the allegation will not be investigated, as I, the Fucking Randy, am the Commissioner of the League, and I am well aware that the draft positions were randomly selected. Nonetheless, the remarks from Safari were entertaining, and provided excellent entertainment during and post draft.

Dick Burns, with the no. 2 selection, did not disappoint; he selected Evgeni Malkin, a double-edged sword who plays both C and RW.

"I like him," said Dick Burns. I, for one, could not agree more.

With the no. 3 selection, AznSitch approached the podium and selected Steven Stamkos, the high scoring machine on what would be an otherwise despicable Tampa Bay team.

"Somewhat surprised to get him at no. 3, but I expected Burg's to take Crosby at no. 1," said AznSitch. "He's just got such a boner for Sid; I swear, every time we're out at Pink's for GMs night, Burg's can't stop talking about him. The rest of us are throwing bills at the talent while Burg's flips through the Sid calendar."

Finishing off round 1 was Safari, who used his pick to select breakout player Claude Giroux, who looks as though he may top 100 points in a regular season.

"I got a C, LW, and RW in my first two picks," said Safari. "Who else can pull that off?"

True, he did, as Claude is also a double-edged sword who can #HAM it at C and RW. And, he selected Alex Ovechkin with the 5th overall pick (round 2), who may just be the steal of the draft IF he returns to the prolific scorer he was back in 2007-2008, where he amassed 65 goals.

All in all, a fascinating draft, which included a pre-draft practical joke in which Dick Burns psyched out the rest of the GMs by requesting a one hour delay for shits and giggles.

"I did it to throw them off," said Dick Burns. "And, it worked."

Wise words, Dick.