WK13 - Last Minute of Play

There are fewer than ten days until the end of the NHL season. That's crazy, bitches.

"Seconded," concurred Burgundy.

The Redemption Stats Machine has been humming along all season, with no hiccups at all. A finely-oiled machine, it is. It must be, as it was erected by yours truly. Even with the Fucking Randy being notoriously good at programming brilliance, I'm amazed that it's run this smoothly without error.

"What does the Redemption Stats Machine look like?" asked Safari. "I hear you talking about it all the time but I don't really know what its physical appearance resembles."

A fine question, Safari. I will give you, as well as the rest of the privileged public, a glimpse of what the Redemption Stats Machine (RSM) looks like. Please note: this is only a small peak at the RSM. There is plenty more which is hidden from view, as its supreme architecture must be protected. Nonetheless, to give you an idea of how my statistical reporting is done, here is the RSM:

Courtesy of: the Redemption Stats Machine (duh!)

"That's fucking beautiful," said Burgundy, MPAc.

Indeed it is. Just wait until the season is over and the statistics will be complete. A full breakdown for each select-GM will be available upon request. It'll be like a transcript from university, except I will be offering it up for free (as opposed to those assholes in academia who charge students to look at what is rightfully theirs).

"What is it you have against academia, Fucking Randy?" asked Burgundy. "The study of higher education is not to be insulted; it has made me who I am today, and it will make tomorrow a better today. And today, a better tomorrow. And as we all know, today, is already tomorrow."

What? Burgs, that didn't make any sense to me.

"I always make sense. I'm the smartest man I know. And not only do I have the credentials, but I'm also taking an accelerated MPAc program, in which only the finest are admitted. I'm fucking amazing!"

Alright, Burgs. Alright. Anyways, let's see what the charts look like this week, courtesy of the Redemption Stats Machine:

"Do you see my curve upwards?" said Dick Burns. "That's a nice lookin' curve."

Indeed, an exponential curve upwards, it seems. But will it be enough?

"Eat shit, Safari!" yelled Sitch. "No lion's roar this week, bitch!"

"You are gonna fucking get it soon, Sitch," responded Safari, slamming his paw against a mahogany table ("Watch it!" screeched Burgs). "We are so damn close that anything could happen in the final week. I'm callin' it here: my precious Rask will make it ever so close. With Boston running high on emotion and having games being rescheduled on the back end of the season, I predict that the Bruin's are going to finish gracefully, bagel'ing the opposition in the process. Rask will be sure to cash in for me."

Bold prediction, Safari. I look forward to the results.

No change in PPGP; Sitch is still steady and leading the pack at 3.49PPGP, while Safari is a close second at 3.28PPGP. What is interesting to note is Dick Burns was this week's top performer (again!) amassing a whopping 135.00pts, a 12% increase in his total points. He's the only select-GM to have produced double digit percentage increases in the last three weeks. Compared to the other select-GMs, who had abysmal weeks, Dick Burns team is flying high.

"What can I say?" said Dick Burns. "Start strong, end strong. What lies in the middle is for shits and giggles. If you can't start right or finish sublimely, then there's no reason to exist, period."

Wise words, Dick. I'll see you gentlemen at the finish.