Two week's left until the Redemption comes to a close; a blessing in one hand for it is sure to be a great resolve, a shame in the other for all good things must come to an end. The Fucking Randy is not by any means announcing this will be his swan song; I take pride in my work and believe it to be my life's destiny to provide second-to-none journalism. But, all swans need their breaks once in a while, and after putting in a solid effort for this year's shortened season, I'll need all the rest I can get before buckling up for next year's reporting.
"What will next year's League be called?" asked Dick Burns.
That has yet to be determined, like many things going forward. Don't you worry Dick; the name will be splendid.
Anyways, another week has gone by. The big stops are coming up now; select-GMs are putting the pedal to the metal and hoping that the final push into season's end will pay off. Their phalli, as minuscule as they may be compared to yours truly, are swinging 'round the clock, hoping to knock over the competition, blinding them with spew wherever possible.
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| Nothin' but dick. |
The Redemption Stats Machine is pleased to jack out the following statistics for you select-GMs:
"Yo Randy, why da fuck is Burgundy's squares on the chart bigga 'dan evry1 elss?" asked Sitch.
"You're a fucking square," replied Burgundy.
I have no fucking idea; it looked right inside the Redemption Stats Machine, but for some reason when it's converted into a JPEG Burg's squares are getting distorted. Oh, and by the way, that's MR. FUCKING RANDY, Sitch. Also, get some speech lessons or something; gents don't talk like that.
"Dope," said Sitch. "Looking at da chartz, looks like my consistency I spoke about during my NQ is provin' true (dat!)."
Again, you need speech lessons, Sitch. But I concur; the consistency is there ("This ain't no BPC!" yells Sitch). The Redemption is indeed not a Bench Press Contest; it is a strenuous, challenging, emotional roller coaster which should be paced out and planned effectively. Gotta give it to Sitch for slowly climbing the latter (three weeks at a time, no less) and waiting for his window to open.
Aside, there were no real changes in PPGP. Sitch is still tops (averaging 3.50 PPGP), being closely followed by Safari (3.32 PPGP). Burgundy is still in the mix at 3.19 PPGP and Dick Burns rounds out the bunch at 2.73 PPGP.
But who is this week's biggest winner? It is Team TB, who has essentially done what the Calgary Flames should have done five years ago. He's gutted a lot of his roster, replaced it with proven players, and has added 10% to his point totals this week. Sitch was able to add 9%, while Safari added 7% and Burgs added 6%.
"If we're speaking about consistency, then my MPAc spidey-senses are tinkling. According the that Bitch-Sitch, he's due for a change in the rankings since he appears to change positions every three weeks."
"I change positions every three minutes, to keep things interesting," said Dick Burns.
"I agree with Burgs," said Safari. "I believe that a change is afoot. There will be a new leader by the end of next week, and I'll be sure to alert you all with a lion's roar."
"No fucking way," said Sitch. "Now that I've primed myself to Redemption marvel, I'll be at da top fo LYFE!"
Noted, gentlemen. Any last words before we close out the week?
"Yes," said Dick Burns. "I've officially cracked open my 16th pair of boxers."
Wise words, Dick. (And I fucking called that!)
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