No Deal

Even with hockey insider Pierre LeBrun predicting something would happen, Camp Bodacious stayed put and didn't make any moves during the final hours leading up to the trade deadline.

"Based on my analytics, nothing was worth it," said Burgundy. "I am all for trades, but only if they are for gain. Did I mention that I'm an MPAc, which has boosted my rationalizing as well as decision making process?"

Yes, Burgundy, you have. Many, many times.

"Well, as long as it's known. You know, it's important that credentials be known to fellows like yourself, as well as the other select-GMs. It was my masterful analytics that allowed me to lead the Redemption a whopping eight weeks consecutive. That's gotta be a record of sorts, no?"

Well, it is the longest streak to date. I have to give Burgundy props for that. And, though he's been pushed off the pedestal, he's still definitely in the running for the championship.

"No fucking way," screeched a pubic Safari (yes, I used pubic as an adjective). "He (Burgs) is flaccid; no Crosbone, no championship. All you motherfuckers laughed at me when I took AO8 no. 5 overall in the draft; now look at him. He's a fucking stud, just as I planned. You gents are lucky that this is only a 48 game schedule; if it were a full season, Ovechkin would have had plenty more time to really carve out his form and score."

"She say, 'no sex until score.' I say, 'Ok I score.'"

Now now, Safari, nobody laughed at you. I believe someone quite intelligent and large (yes, phallus reference) said that Ovechkin may be the steal of the draft. Regardless, Ovechkin has responded to his critics and lifted his Capitals back into the playoff picture, making him a possible MVP. Hell, he may even be a keeper (though Safari still has Malkin to consider as well).

In other news, Dick Burn's has revamped his team, albeit a bit late in the season. His line-up now includes ridiculous wingers, the likes including Hall and Hossa. His point accumulations in the last two weeks are admirable, and he's officially joined the G-club (1,000pts). How does it feel, Dick?

"It's late, but it's good," said Dick Burns. "I pulled the trigger on some players, and it worked. It was just a bit too late, I'm afraid. I'll see you gentlemen next year when I cash in on my two first round picks."

Wise words, Dick.